Whose belt is it anyway?

As parents, we've all been there-- our inquisitive and enthusiastic child decides that they want to be a martial artist! That's exactly how Mrs. Bailey and I started at ATAFMAC. Our oldest son Ben decided he wanted to be just like the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." At the time, he was 7. Like all wise parents, to check his true interest, we told him he had to wait until he was 8. I'm not sure we made it through the day on his birthday before he was asking to get started. So, Mrs. Bailey brought him to this very do jang. While Ben took TKD classes, Mrs. Bailey took jujitsu classes on the back floor. I watched- and finally decided that I missed participating in martial arts (I started in karate when I was in high school), and got out of the parent area and on to the floor. About a year and a half later, Mrs. Bailey moved from the grappling floor to the TKD classes and our youngest son, Grant, joined us. We were a Taekwondo family! Both boys earned their black belts (Ben earned his 2nd degree recommended, Grant a 1st degree decided), and you know where Mr. & Mrs. Bailey ended up! That all started more than 15 years ago.

I tell that story to show that I've been there as a TKD parent. There were lots of times when the boys lost motivation and had to be prodded into practice or to class. There were many times when we felt we cared more about their success than they did. We had to fight the overwhelming temptation to do it for them!

That's the "purpose" of this post . . . to remind you that your son or daughter is the one earning the belt. You should never work harder than they do in earning that belt. This is true at all belt levels, but never more so then when the student moves from Black recommended to 1st degree Black Belt! Movement from the color belts to the black belts is more than just a change of rank. It is a change of status, responsibility, expectations, and attitude. It truly is a life changing experience as a major goal is reached.

Most of you know that my "real" job is that of an educator. I'm in a very unique circumstance because I am a principal on a K-12 campus. As such, I get to watch students progress all the way through their educational journey. It is VERY exciting to be a part of a child's life for that long! I also get to know entire families as siblings move into the school. In watching families, I too often see parents becoming the student. You've all seen it- the science fair project that looks like it was done by an entire research department at IBM or the powerpoint presentation that looks like it was completed by Disney/Pixar. We all know that the student had almost nothing to do with the project. Unfortunately, the parent involvement often goes beyond the special projects and intrudes on the day-to-day work as well. I once had a high school student admit to me that they hadn't done any homework since 3rd grade-her parents had always done it for her! Symptoms I often see in school are things like straight A's on homework, but much lower grades (often failing) on tests and in class work. The parent response is almost always the same, "They totally get it while they are at home." Hmmmm....

I tell you all of this to remind you of who is becoming the martial artist and who is earning the belt. Ultimately, it is the student who has to earn the belt. I have learned that you rarely learn from success, but failure is a great teacher. So, like the student whose parent completes the science project for them, what does a student learn by someone else doing the work for them? They don't get to experience the mistakes and failures that lead to future success! If the student has not passed through all the trials leading up to earning their black belt, they are cheated out of the life changing impact of reaching that goal.

Encourage, praise, work with (better yet, join them on the floor!) your young martial artist as they progress towards their black belt! Most importantly, let them experience and learn from the life lessons that come from success-and failure. Ultimately, they will be not only better martial artists and students, but better people for their efforts!

Good luck in your journey!

Mr. Bailey